Monday, January 19, 2009

Recap - Ecco - Sat 1/17/09

Favorite Quotes :

"Oooooouuuuuuuwwww, WHERE'S PARIS??!!!!!!!!"
"C'mon Becky, there's that guy who said he'd buy us drinks at the bar, quick, before he orders...."
"Dude, let's totally take some mints from that bathroom attendant... AND NOT PAY HIM!!!!"
"There's no birthday party for me here...."

Apparently someone had advertised "DJ ADAM 12 from SHE WANTS REVENGE", so a few people had come just to say hello, amongst other things :

"Hey, where's Justin?"
"He's in the back doing a keg-stand, go check it out!"

"Will you play 'Tear You Apart', please?"
"Sure, then I'll give you the mic so you can tell everyone how much you love yourself, for 3 minutes and forty seconds..."

"Will you take a photo and hold this bear, its for my myspace page called, "Bear and Friends"?
"Absolutely, if you take a photo and hold this... It's for my new Myspace page called, "My Dick and Friends", deal?

"My girlfriend couldn't make it, but can you sign this for her, she'd freak out!"
"Of course, what's her name?"

Overall, it's a fun night, kids actually come to have fun and dance...

(Blonde girl) "Um, I've never heard this song, you're making me want to go home, so could you play something I know, otherwise I'm gonna leave... Like, can you put on Akon? Put it on now or we're gonna go"

There's always one of these : "Dude, got any drink tickets?"
"Sure, guy I barely know, take one of the two tickets they gave me, then come back and stand in the booth like you know me, that's my favorite!"

11:14 : A girl asks for Justin Timberlake
11:17 : I play the new Justin Timberlake
11:18 : The same girl asks for Justin Timberlake
11:19 : I weep for the future

(Sweaty Guy) "Hey, buddy, could you play some Techno?"
"Sure, buddy, could you scrape some of that blow out of your nose for me? Not only does the white totally not go with your shiny shirt, but if I'm gonna play Techno, I wanna be as high as you and your cousins..."

"Dude, me and my bros totally met these hot chicks and they want to hear "Make it Rain", and dude, if you play it right now, I totally think we could get laid!!!"
"Dude... I have a better idea... One of the guys you're with asked me if I wanted to buy some GHB, you know, liquid ecstasy, cherry meth, scoop, easy lay, grievous bodily harm, liquid X, goop, whatever you wanna call it... Here's the deal ; I could play your song for you right now, but, that may not guarantee you guys getting laid, so, considering that they render the victims incapable of resisting sexual advances, and, in some cases, affect the memory so that they remain unaware of the attack, and furthermore, they are also colourless and tasteless, so it is virtually impossible to detect a spiked drink, why are you even coming to me?
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

12 am : Tryouts for The Grind 2009 begin...


syn·o·nym (s?n'?-n?m')
A word having the same or nearly the same meaning as another word or other words in a language.

(Blonde with a tiara on) "It's my birthday, can you play the birthday song by 50 Cents?"


1. Don't ever request that song.... EVER!
2. If you're gonna request it :
a) Know the artist.
b) Know the title.

"Do you have that mash up of Prince and Britney Spears?"
"Yeah, the one that goes, "Mash ups are gay!!! La La La La La... That one?"

"Hey, dj, you're using a laptop to dj??!! Ha Ha.. Anyone can be a dj on a laptop...."
(Takes deep breath) "Well... If you like the type of dj that only plays things according to what's next to each other in the bpm list on their Serato, or the type of dj that never looks at the room and bases what they're playing off of who's actually there, or if you're really into the type of dj that doesn't take you on a journey from the beginning of the night until the end, or maybe the type of dj that has only been spinning for six months and has no sense of music history, then sure, you're right, maybe you like the type of dj that tries to impress everyone with the type of music that only they are into and nobody else gives a fuck about, totally, maybe you're super into the type of dj that can't blend at all, or the kind of dj that can can play other people's mixes and pretend that it's theirs, you've really got something there, and judging from your fake vintage Iggy t-shirt, you probably have an amazing sense of what's cool and not cool, so on that note, run to your car and get the 5 cases of records you lugged down 3 flights of stairs and help me finish the night, cause god knows, it's not about the music I'm choosing or the order I'm playing them in, it's the fact that it's all on my laptop....."

"You're hot, wanna make out with me and my friend?"
"It's, "my friend and I..."
"You also have a friend?"
No, "You have a friend as well?..."
"Um, yeah, I told you me and my friend wanna make out with you, where's your friend?"

Some of the kids who go on Saturday are in college/underage and have fake ids, so some of them aren't that experienced with being drunk in public, somewhere other than the quad, so you end up with things like :

The girl throwing up in the ice bucket... With the bottle still in it....
The guy with the toilet paper coming out of the back of his jeans, that his friends saw and didn't tell him about, and was wet....
The guy dancing with the girl that was dancing with his friend, but thought she was dancing with him. (love that)
The girl who's lipstick was all smeared on her face and teeth trying to be sexy, "You have any slow songs? I would like to slow dance now... (wink, wink)"
The guys who ultimately heard at some point throughout the night, something like, "I don't care what your father does, please follow me this way to the exit, sir..."

A drunk girl came in the booth and was grinding on my leg, I slowly turned to her and said, "Scram kid, ya bother me..."

They had me stop the music at midnight so a guy whose birthday it was could have the mariachi band he brought in play "Happy Birthday" for him.
95% of the people had no idea it was happening and were looking at me like I was fucking up.
Awesome move.

(Blonde)"Are you gonna play Outkast tonight? Did you know they're my favorite group?"
"Did you know that the definition of an idiot is a person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers? Did you also know that this term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive? Although I do not mean to offend...."

12:37 Guy asks girl to dance.
12:37:42 Girl says no.
12:40 Girl sees same guy at a table full of bottles of liquor.
12:45 Guy is dancing with girl.

A drunk/coked out girl came in the booth demanding the microphone so she could announce the location of an after-hours that her ex-boyfriend of three years, who's a dj, is spinning at... she went on to describe that they had problems for a long time, so they decided to just be friends, and that maybe sometime down the line they might get back together... "Do you think that would be weird?"
"Well, I dont know... how long long did you say you were together? What kind of a guy is he?"
"Well, we met in the summer of 1999.... and we...."
*calls security*

1:14 : A guy puts his drink near my laptop
1:14: 22 : I tell him to move it
1:15 : It's still there
1:15:05 I put a cigarette butt in it, then tell him to move it again or he's outta here...
1:16 He moves it
1:16:29 He drinks it
I win.

"Do you have any birthday songs, and could you dedicate it to my boyfriend?"
"I have 'We Built This City', does that work?"

The best is watching a drunk guy pretend he knows the words to a song and mouths them all wrong...

"It's so nice to meet you, my husband and I are big fans of the band and we have a clothing company, which is based in upland, called Sinister Seeker.. Here, please take my card and call me, we would love to design something special for you and your band..."
"Wow, thank you, that's very sweet of you, I really appreciate it..."
"No, thank you, we love you... Please call me whenever you have a chance...."
"Will do..."
The card had bats and spider webs on it.

Shots of Patron Silver, chilled : 0
Red Bulls : 2
Cigarettes : 7
Requests for something I was gonna have to play anyways : 21
Pieces of american cheese I was offered : 1
Times I was asked where Justin was : 8
Times I replied "in our cave, in his coffin" : 2
Times I dreamt of a far away land where everything is beautiful : 229
Forever 21 outfits : 42
Guys who referred to the restroom as the "Head" : 2
Pairs of sandals on men : 1
Pairs of sandals on men with socks : 1
Times I wished I was wearing sandals with socks : 0
Times I called girls 'Veruca' and they didn't get it: 2
Requests for 90-95 hip hop : 0
Requests for Techno : 14
Times She Wants Revenge was requested : 12
Times She Wants Revenge was played : 0
Doses of GHB that were introduced into drinks : 6
Times I weeped for the future : 6

(I appreciate all the love I get for the band, just having a little fun)


Charon and the River Styx said...

Hah. Wow. That was hilarious. I feel bad for djs now.

minteh said...

I always love your posts about DJ-ing. I'll have to remember to grab a shot of Patron Silver for you if I ever end up at one of your gigs. (Not that I will.) =P

natalie said...

I'd love to hang at one of your dj sessions, do you have a schedule posted somewhere? Pinky swear *I* won't be the one requesting 50 Cent or Britney're the master, that's why they asked for you.

Pj Perez said...

Glad to see 2009 has not taken off your edge.

Though a business card with bats and spiders, that's a great idea. Really.

Anonymous said...

Love your posts... make me laugh everytime!!
I also get the same grief when Dj-ing with my laptop... some people will never get it :-)

Cheerz, Wade from New Zealand

m. said...

do you ever dj in austin?

lis said...

did you consider that you are too witty and cynical for your own good? and that you hang out at shitty places to play good music? couldn't you play good music at non-shitty places and significantly improve your happiness???

btw wtf happened to myspace blogs? just as well, the stalker ex fckn found me AGAIN.

no not too cynical, but idealistic. choose a different world that fosters some romance, puhlease ;)