Sunday, November 2, 2008
When I saw the flyer for this party, the other dj, who has only been spinning for a year, maybe two, who is also managed by the promoter of the party, was billed higher than I was... He was the headliner. Red flag number one.
Oh, sure, Like HE went to Harvard...
I had never been to Coco Deville before, but had heard horror stories about how "Hollywood" it was and how the way it was set up was lame. Red flag number two.
Halloween fell on a Friday this year. Red flag number three.
The party had a Wizard of Oz theme. Red flag number four.
Hosted by the Pussycat Dolls. Five.
I debated which character from Oz I should be. I needed to be as comfortable as possible, considering I would be spinning all night. If I could be comfortable enough, I wanted to be a flying monkey, but considering I always wait until Halloween day to get my costume together, that wasn't gonna happen. I went looking for a silver or grey Adidas track suit so I could be an old school Tin Man, but nobody had one in stock. I went into an American Apparel and found a silver jacket that was perfect, so, all I needed now was a plastic funnel and some silver paint. I got the silver paint, but all the funnels I found were too small or shaped funny. It was all coming apart. My friend Brooke and I went to a costume store at 6pm and found some black make-up and some puppy ears. Toto it was. Thanks Brooke.
I got a ride to work and, en transit, realized what kind of night it was gonna be. There were more people on the streets than I had seen in a VERY long time. Lots of emigrants by way of the 405 and the 5.
Hal·low·een \?ha-l?-?w?n, ?hä-\
Etymology: short for All Hallow Even (All Saints' Eve)
Date: circa 1700
: October 31 observed especially with dressing up as a slut, getting drunk, trick-or-treating, and displaying jack-o'-lanterns during the evening.
I was told by the promoter to play stuff that the crowd knew and not to play stuff too "eclectic". Six.
When I arrived, I was held at the door, for 10 minutes (seven), like there were any other djs dressed as Toto coming.
The dj playing before me was playing electro music. Raggedy Ann was dancing.
Within 10 minutes of starting, I was propositioned by the first of many slutty Dorothys. Unfortunately, they were all very unoriginal. They all said what was to be expected, "I guess we're not in Kansas anymore..." or "There's no place like home" (which was what I always say, unfortunately, clicking my heels never really does the trick).
I was hoping someone asked me if fucked doggy style or if I liked to be called "Uncle Henry". Didn't happen.
A mime came up but couldn't request a song.
Yoda asked to hear Lil Wayne.
There were a bunch of Totos. I was the cutest Toto by far. I didn't eat dinner and had no kibble on me. Sad Toto.
A guy I hadn't seen in a long time came up to say hello, then disappeared into the crowd. Minutes later he returned with 2 bottles of cheap champagne and told me the manager had seen him talking to me and gave him the two bottles, one for him and one for me, on the house (Apparently I'm worth a whopping 16 bucks). I told him he should go ahead and keep mine, as I don't drink anymore. He left one with me, just in case I found a "Dorothy" that might want to have it. Nobody wanted to drink that shit. It did, however, make a good paper weight.
Pac Man wanted to hear T.I.
The Pussycat Dolls, the "hosts", must've been dressed as the invisible man, as they were nowhere to be found. Shocker. Good thing I downloaded all their songs just in case they were there. Deleted them all when I got home. :)
Pocahontas came up to request a song and I asked her if it would be alright to poke her. She said she had heard that one all night. "On Facebook, silly!"
Like I would be that rude. ;)
Cat Woman tried to request a song but I just wanted to bite her neck and rip her throat out.
There were girls just dressed as slutty girls with no theme. Just another Friday in Hollywood, I guess.
Two guys were dressed as the ipod posters. Amazing. They told me what to play. I am not an ipod, unfortunately.
A guy was dressed as a hot dog.
A girl was dressed as Paris Hilton. She was dancing all over the place, jumping up and down, sweating profusely and ultimately rubbing her ass on me, when she finally stopped for a moment to ask if I liked her costume. "Well, you got the coke part right."
A guy dressed as a munchkin asked where the bathroom was.
"Follow the yellow brick road"
I know, I know.
A waitress came over to ask if I needed anything. "Amnesia, please."
"Is that a vodka based drink?"
I weep for the future.
I bbm'd the only promoter I wanted to see that night around midnight to ask him where he was.
A group of slutty pirates came up to request a song. I asked the "leader", "Did you know that the English word "pirate" is derived from the Latin term pirata, and ultimately from the Greek word "peira" or "attempt, experience", implicitly "to find luck on the sea?"
"Hahahahaha, you're cute, um, do you have any Michael Jackson?"
Kanye West wanted to hear Kanye.
The manager, obviously frustrated with the fact that very few people were buying bottles, asked if i could please play some MGMT, as he needed something to cheer him up. I asked him if I could pull the fire alarm, as I needed something to cheer me up. We laughed.
A girl dressed up as Carrie wanted to hear "Swagger Like Us".
I told her to "Plug it up"
She didn't get it.
John McCain wanted to hear Depeche Mode.
I played "Never Let Me Down Again".
Little Red Riding Hood asked me if I was a wolf in dog's clothing.
"Did you know that Little Red Riding Hood represents, in some opinions, a parable of sexual maturity?. In this interpretation, the red cloak symbolizes the blood of the menstrual cycle, braving the "dark forest" of womanhood, and in this case, the "wolf" threatens the girl's virginity."
I played "hits" pretty much until 1 am, when I finally realized no matter what I played, this room just wasn't going to go off, so I played some stuff that I wanted to hear, not too eclectic, but cool. Of course, at this moment, the promoter came in and made a b-line for me, "Look around dude, nobody's dancing, I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY STUFF THEY DON"T KNOW!"
"Look around dude, your party sucks balls."
Needless to say, neither one of us wants to work with the other in the future.
A naughty nurse asked to hear Britney.
I played it for her.
I asked if she provided home care.
She gave me her number on a napkin.
I saw her in the light later.
Insert "Swingers" party in the hills scene here.
I knew 2 people there.
They left early.
A waitress liked my selections.
I liked her cans.
There were no scarecrows.
There were no cowardly lions.
There was one Tin Man.
A girl asked me if I could hold her wings while she danced, I replied, "Of course."
She didn't dance.
I think she went to the bathroom to take a shit.
A girl dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West wanted to hear "Umbrella" by Rihanna.
Knowing the book, I remembered that the Wicked Witch beat Toto with her umbrella.
I, wishing I had a bucket of water, declined.
Finally, the party was over. My friend who had promised me a ride home, left hours before. I didn't blame her. I called a few friends to see if they were close enough to brave the streets and pick me up. No luck.
La Cienega was more crowded with cars and people than I had ever seen. Figuring it would take forever to hail a cab, I began walking. I jumped over a passed out gladiator and crossed the street. No cabs. I walked a few blocks. No cabs. I walked a few more blocks, weaving my way in and out of drunk party goers who's costumes and make up had, by this point, deconstructed. People were FADED. Everywhere. No cabs. I tried calling Yellow Cab... "You'll just have to hail one, sir, it's just too busy..." Great. Awesome. I started walking again. I walked down Melrose, hungry, no kibble, cold, tired, over it. Ultimately, I walked 2.5 miles before a cab pulled over. I told the driver where I lived and he said he knew a "quick" way to get there. He went down Hollywood Blvd. Idiot. A girl approached the cab and said she knew me (she didn't) and asked if her and her two friends could jump in and ride with me. The driver, hoping it was two more drunk girls asked where here friends were... Se pointed to to huge, drunk guys in bikinis. The driver locked the doors and rolled up the windows. He wasn't so bad. It ultimately took, what normally takes 5 minutes to get from La Brea and Hollywood to my house, another hour.
I slept in my make up.
Totos : 5
Cutest Totos : 1
Wicked Witches : 6
Cowardly Lions : 0
Scarecrows : 0
Flying Monkeys : 0
Munchkins : 7
Slutty Dorothys : 100
Barack Obamas : 2
Kanye Wests : 4
Shots of Patron : 0
Bottles of water : 2
Red Bulls : 2
Bottles of $6 champagne comp'd for me : 1
Times I clicked my heels 3 times : 6
Cigarettes : 10
Paper weights : 1
Miles walked : 2.5
Cabs that drove by me without stopping : 39
Gladiators I jumped over : 1
Pieces of candy received : 0
Kibble : 0