I was the last one to sit on my plane.
I hate the middle seat.
The woman next to me broke out the worst perfume ever and put some on.
Rule #1 : Never do that.
I love looking out of the corner of my eye to see what people listen to in their ipods on planes.
Dude on left : Deftones
Avon lady on right : Starland Vocal Band
I hate her.
I was greeted by my driver who had a bottle of Patron Silver on ice waiting in the car.
Things are looking good.
I arrive at the hotel (non smoking, ugh), Patron in hand, and have to wait 45 mins for my room.
Things are looking bad.
There are warm chocolate chip cookies.
My hotel was next to Chili's.
No room service.
The car picked me up around 9:30 to go to the house, no tequila this time, but there was a case of Coors Light in the trunk.
They had converted this huge mansion into an Audi showroom (there were new Audis all over the place, there was even one on a platform in the pool) and constructed a huge club / lounge on the tennis courts.
Guys in very expensive suits with Chucks on, c'mon already, what a dud.
A bottle of Don Julio Silver was delivered to me very early in a bucket with ice.
Nice touch, I might add.
Took an hour and a half to get some glasses to drink it.
Not a good look.
Adrian Grenier asked me if I would play T.I.
I said "No."
He asked if I would play Ludacris
"Any hip hop?"
"Turtle just gave me the new Saigon... Cool?"
The President of Audi liked the funk cover of "Long Train Running" I played, he asked if I could email him the mp3.
Um, car please?
Kate Hudson asked if I could play some Jimi Hendrix.
How to lose a crowd in 10 seconds.
Super Bowl tends to attract alpha males, so the room was filled with guys trying to outdo each other, talk louder than each other, drink more shots than one another, etc...
The loudest guy came over and shouted at me, "Look at him go!!! Wicki Wicki Wicki!!! HA HA HA"
small penis. red car.
ha ha ha.
Paris asked for Michael Jackson. Again.
Paris asked for Rod Stewart. Again.
Paris likes to have fun.
Paris wore a pink dress.
Paris gave me a hug.
Paris likes clipper ships.
"Dude, when does your new album come out?"
"It's been out for months..."
"Oh, shit, I didn't know."
Snoop came with Paris.
There was a guy who promotes parties in LA there who has a fauxhawk and wears skinny jeans who told me, "Yo, check out Snoop, he's gangsta, I'm gangsta man, I've been to Compton, you gots to be gangsta to go to Compton"
"Dude, the only Carson you've been to is Daily, and by the way, it's gangster, not gangsta."
Snoop wanted to hear Above the Law, that was dope.
D-Nice was there, he gave me a compliment on the selection of old school breaks I was playing and asked if he could go get me a drink.
That made my whole weekend.
He was wearing a YSL suit.
A girl came over and asked if I would play some hip hop, and of course I was playing hip hop (Gang Starr, Eric B. and Rakim, etc.), so I asked what hip hop was to her...
"You know, Akon, Webbie, Pitbull..."
"Wow, you want me to play a nut from an oak tree, a duck and a dog... Good times!"
Where, oh, where are you, hip hop? Please come back...
Favorite quote "I pee straight"
A girl fell down coming out of the bathroom, she pretended that it didn't happen.
I met 2 Jews from NYC.
We spoke Yiddish.
My friends, who were pretty drunk, decided to skip the check in point and shuttle stop and drive right up to the house. They were stopped at the gate and asked to please go back down to check in. They screamed, "We're here for ADAM BRAVIN!!!"
They were asked once again if they could please go back down to check in. "ADAM BRAVIN, we're here for ADAM BRAVIN!!!!"
Again, politely asked to go down the hill. "Do you guys have all your permits for this party?" They were let in. So dope.
Blonde girl - "Oh my God, Oh my God, this is like the BEST party I've ever been to, when they came to my school to find girls to come up here, I really, really hoped it would be me!!! And look, here were are, Yahooooo!"
You made it kid, top of the world.
"My boyfriend's name is on the invite for this party, so you better play whatever music I tell you to!!!"
"Is he signing my check?"
Current playlist resumes.
I met a brunette named Rachael, I asked her if she was a replicant.
She didn't understand.
She wasn't the one.
1:34 am - Blonde girl has one drink too many.
1:54 am - Blonde girl is dancing on a table, holding a bottle of tequila, pouring it into her mouth, surrounded by a group of 5 football players, .
10: 17 am - Blonde girl wakes up, wonders where she is and why she is sore down there.
My driver took off at 3:30 am.
I got out of there at 3:38.
I caught a ride with some people I didn't know.
I sat in a drive thru line for 35 minutes.
Shots of Don Julio Silver : Tons
Tips : 5 bucks, I gave it back.
Fake cans : Innumerable
Times Snoop lit up a joint : 2
Times I wished I never left LA : 18
Business cards : 16
Blondes living with regret : At least 1
Football players that requested bad music : 6
Guys in suits with sneakers : 22
Replicants named Rachael : 0
She Wants Revenge requests : 0
Times I was offered coke : 9
Times I accepted : 0
Times I went to a happy place : 24
Guys from Real World Seattle that tried to match shots with me and lost : 1