Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Recap - 944 Holiday Party @ Studio 54, Las Vegas 12/04/08

First things, first : I LOVE everyone at 944, they're my favorite group of people to work with, they really are a class act. They take care of me, everything is always on point and their parties are always super fun.

Having said that...

Southwest Airlines. I find it offensive that they joke around during the safety announcements. "Your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device, just in case we have to land on a body of water, IN BETWEEN BURBANK AND LAS VEGAS!"
So funny I forgot to laugh.

The woman on the plane next to me was wearing patchouli and was eating McDonalds. Slowly, I pulled the knife out from it's sheath, making sure not to alert my neighbor to my actions...

My driver at the airport in Las Vegas was wearing a bow-tie and grabbed my hand to pull me towards the car. He wouldn't let go. He needed human touch. He spent his days off home alone, surfing the web, looking for someone, anyone, to share his life with. Someone who would laugh at his jokes, eat the food he spent so much time preparing, as he really pays very close attention to the Food Network. Someone who would talk to him, really talk to him, not just the usual, "Wow, it sure is hot here in Vegas..." Someone who would take the time to discover all the nuances of his collection of miniature animals made of glass he has so eloquently and creatively arranged on the display case he found at Ikea in the "clearance" section for $29.00. Someone who would just be there. This, unfortunately, would not be me.

When checking in at the MGM Grand, I was handed two discount buffet tickets. I would not be using these.

I got in the elevator and it was full of people in blue jackets. One of them was Oscar De La Hoya. Crazy. "Ready for the fight?", I asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be!", he responded.
"Good luck!"
"Thank you!"
I got out on the 18th floor, and as the doors closed, I turned back to yell, "He's gonna win by a TKO in the eighth, you washed up has-been, HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Before the party, I rushed over to the hospital to see my best friend, Bree, who had just give birth two days prior to the most beautiful little angel in the world, Jaxon. I love that baby.

When I got back to hotel, I had 20 minutes before I had to be at the venue. I ran up to the room, did what poopy pants couldn't wait to do properly at my Thanksgiving party, and headed down.

The "Red Bull" dj booth was set up and all ready to go.
Wings please.
Fly away.
Far Away.

I was asked to play Christmas music for the first hour. Here is that playlist :

Merry Christmas Baby - BB KIng
Santa Claus Never Comes to the Ghetto - Yellowman
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jackson 5
Little Drummer Boy - Ray Charles
Zat You, Santa Claus? - Louis Armstrong
We Three Kings - Moog Machine
Gee Whiz, It's Christmas - Carla Thomas
Here Comes Santa Claus - The Ramsey Lewis Trio
Santa Claus is Back in Town - Elvis Presley
God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman - Jimmy Smith
Go Power at Christmas Time - James Brown
Jingle Bells - Duke Ellington & His Orchestra
This Christmas - Donny Hathaway
Clarence Carter - Back Door Santa
Christmas in Hollis -Run DMC

The bathroom attendant came out just to tell me how much he enjoyed all of that.
Later, he still pressured me to tip him for handing me a paper towel.

I started to play stuff dance music, and, considering it WAS Vegas, I played some stuff I wouldn't normally play. I put on the Justice remix of "Electric Feel" by MGMT. A chubby, latin Vegas hipster kid with the hair, the mustache, the uniform and the attitude came over, gave me the thumbs down and said, "Never play that again." Throughout the night, he felt it was his duty to give me the thumbs up or the thumbs down, based on his personal feelings about various songs I had played. He got a real kick out of this. At the end of the night, as he walked by, I gave him the thumbs up.
He asked, shockingly, "What's that for?"
"The Eternal Flame this is YOU..."
He smiled.

I love smoking indoors.

A guy, approximately fifty-five, with old guy muscles, a young, black t-shirt, slicked back hair and a studded leather strap around his bicep came up and asked, "You got something fun, like "Born to be Alive"?"
"Not sure I have that..."
"Knock on Wood?"
"Yeah, again, not sure if I have that..."
"OK, well see what you can do for me..."
With that, he handed me a crumpled up one dollar bill.
I handed it back and told him to give it to the bathroom attendant for me.

Around 11pm I was asked to play a cd, as the first performance of the night was about to take place. A guy with work done to his face, grabbed the mic and said something to the effect of, "Las Vegas, please welcome, for the first time ever, blah blah blah..."
I put the cd on and three girls came out and did a sexy dance to a techno song.

Moving right along...

I put on a long song and ran upstairs to the VIP section, where most of the action was taking place. There were bottles everywhere, people were partying, half naked girls parading around, etc. A drunk guy looked at me, looked down to the empty dj booth, turned back and said, "HA, you're supposed to be down there, HA, and you're up here, HAHAHAHA!"
"That's right Hardy. You see every drink of liquor you take kills a thousand brain cells. Now that doesn't much matter 'cos we got billions more. And first the sadness cells die so you smile real big. And then the quiet cells go so you just say everything real loud for no reason at all. That's ok because the stupid cells go next, so everything you say is real smart."

I grabbed a coffee and went back down to continue. Upon my return, there were three girls waiting for me. One grabbed me and said, "OH MY GOD! BRITNEY! PLEASE! WOMANIZER! PLEASE!"
"Britney, no. Womanizer, sure, room 20-128, 2:30 am, bring your diminished sense of self, I'll do the rest..."
"Ha, um, no, really, but, um, hee, Britney?"

I played, "Miss You", Rolling Stones, and a drunk guy jumped up on the podium I was standing on and said, "Hey, man, I'm from Minneapolis, and, dude, I know ALL the djs there, and I know what song goes perfectly with this one, they all do it there, it works SOOOO well, you should try it..."
"Dude, I'm from the San Fernando Valley, I know all the dental hygienists there, and I know what scent would go perfectly with that dragon breath, MINT, they all do it there, it works SOOOO well, you should try it..."

A girl asks for something she can dance to.
I ask for something I can live for.
We go our separate ways.

I took a photo with 3 girls for SPYONVEGAS.COM.
They weren't pretty.
I forwarded it to CRYONVEGAS.COM.
They sent it back.

My friend Daisy came from a party she had just finished spinning at to hang with me.
We had a blast making fun of everyone.

At 11:45, the second surprise performance of the evening began. Girls up on ropes and a big ring doing a routine to "Umbrella" by Rihanna.
I quietly wished for an umbrella like Mary Poppins had.

Thumbs down guy passes by.

A security guard asked if I could play Metallica.
Shocking, that a nice, well mannered man like that would want to hear something so loud and aggressive.

The band that was scheduled to play at Midnight, was preparing to start. They took the stage and I slowly faded out my music. They were described as "White Stripe-ish". Three piece, with a girl drummer/singer. They went on for an hour.
An hour.
At midnight.
It's hard enough going to a show to see a band you like and watching them for an hour.
Now, imagine being in a club in Vegas, for a holiday party, and, right when you're starting to get your rhythm going, a band goes on. They weren't horrible, just not very appropriate. For an HOUR. By the time they were done, the entire first floor of Studio 54 was completely empty. EMPTY.
Can't win 'em all.

Sometimes when I go out of town to spin, I'm billed as DJ Adam 12 (She Wants Revenge). This sometimes brings out people that aren't really interested in whatever party I'm spinning at, but, rather, because they're a fan of my band and the music I make. That's very sweet. But, the interesting thing is that they are very easy to pick out of a crowd. Imagine being in Vegas, lots of very colorful people and clothes, shiny shirts, sparkly things everywhere, and the one guy, standing alone, in all black, black hair, eye liner, patent leather, ripped fishnets somewhere on his person, staring at me so intently, I can feel it. The best part is when I look in his direction, he stops staring and nods his head to the music, looking around, pretending to be enjoying himself, as if he really likes what's going on at the party he would've never gone to in his life. It's really the best ever. When I stop looking, he stops nodding his head to the music and starts staring again, motionless.
I love people, so much.

My dog, Brooklyn, does that. It's a new trick she learned. She stares at me when I'm eating, watching each bite move from the plate to my mouth, never losing sight of the yummy people food I possess. When I look at her, she looks around the room, like, la la la, I'm just sitting here, don't mind me, just a pup, minding my own business, la la la. When I go back to eating, she starts the stare down again.

They booked a DJ named "Designer Drugs" from NY to play after the band. I have some of his remixes, and they are good.
Talk about not reading a room.
First song, as Daisy pointed out, was called "Spinal Scratch" by Thomas Bangalter from the "Irreversible" soundtrack. A six and a half minute song that basically doesn't change and is pretty much made for prime time dance floors filled with coked up people that have already been going for hours... Not the best choice to start a party back up after an hour long band that nobody really wanted to hear anyways. I predicted he would have a meltdown after fifteen minutes of playing what was most certainly a playlist he had played before at whatever hipster parties he's accustomed to playing in NY or wherever he spins. Slowly but surely, his music went from what he was used to playing, to the Daft Punks of the world, which is OK. This is what you are supposed to do as a DJ. People hire you to do a job, and you should do your best to read the room you're put in, and spin accordingly, not just stare at your laptop and play for yourself and the chick you brought. Watching him meltdown was fun, I must admit.

I went up to introduce myself to him. He ignored me.

I hung out with my friend who looks like Jessica Rabbit and has huge fake cans.
I tried looking her in the eye.

Daisy and I went upstairs to take a photo in the photo booth, I got my check and we left. On the way out, I passed thumbs down guy.
He smiled.
I gave him the thumbs down.

We were both hungry, and considering the only place open in the MGM grand was McDonalds, we decided to head to another hotel to find something delicious to eat. We asked the head valet guy where we could go have amazing chinese food. He said that the coffee shop in Caesar's Palace was "the BEST CHINESE EVER!" We went to Caesar's, and after walking around for 20 minutes, walking past the late night gamblers, the lonely cocktail waitresses, a band playing on a boat and numerous closed restaurants, we finally found the coffee shop. They had one chinese dish. Noodle soup. Foiled again!

Vegas Rules!

Red Bulls : 3
Shots of Patron Silver : 0
Cigarettes : 8
Amazing bites of chinese food : 0
Poops that made it where they were supposed to go : 1
Times Britney was played : 0
Meltdowns : 1
Ninjas : 2
Coke offers : 4
Coke offers accepted : 0
Thumbs up : 11
Thumbs down : 6
Previous Real World stars that now work for 944 that came and said hello to me : 0
944 guys looking sharp in bow-ties : 2
Times I went to my happy place : 6
Times I clicked my heels three times and it didn't work : 2
Pieces of gum given away : 1
Cards from the marketing director at Hooters : 1
Sneers from cashiers at the registration desk after handing them a debit card rather than a credit card : 1
DJs that can kick rocks : 1
Daisys that were fun to hang out with : 1
Leather studded bands I wanted real bad for myself : 0
Goth dudes : 2
Babies I love : 1

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Recap - Halloween @ Coco Deville

When I saw the flyer for this party, the other dj, who has only been spinning for a year, maybe two, who is also managed by the promoter of the party, was billed higher than I was... He was the headliner. Red flag number one.

Oh, sure, Like HE went to Harvard...

I had never been to Coco Deville before, but had heard horror stories about how "Hollywood" it was and how the way it was set up was lame. Red flag number two.

Halloween fell on a Friday this year. Red flag number three.

The party had a Wizard of Oz theme. Red flag number four.

Hosted by the Pussycat Dolls. Five.

I debated which character from Oz I should be. I needed to be as comfortable as possible, considering I would be spinning all night. If I could be comfortable enough, I wanted to be a flying monkey, but considering I always wait until Halloween day to get my costume together, that wasn't gonna happen. I went looking for a silver or grey Adidas track suit so I could be an old school Tin Man, but nobody had one in stock. I went into an American Apparel and found a silver jacket that was perfect, so, all I needed now was a plastic funnel and some silver paint. I got the silver paint, but all the funnels I found were too small or shaped funny. It was all coming apart. My friend Brooke and I went to a costume store at 6pm and found some black make-up and some puppy ears. Toto it was. Thanks Brooke.

I got a ride to work and, en transit, realized what kind of night it was gonna be. There were more people on the streets than I had seen in a VERY long time. Lots of emigrants by way of the 405 and the 5.

Hal·low·een \?ha-l?-?w?n, ?hä-\
Function: noun
Etymology: short for All Hallow Even (All Saints' Eve)
Date: circa 1700
: October 31 observed especially with dressing up as a slut, getting drunk, trick-or-treating, and displaying jack-o'-lanterns during the evening.

I was told by the promoter to play stuff that the crowd knew and not to play stuff too "eclectic". Six.

When I arrived, I was held at the door, for 10 minutes (seven), like there were any other djs dressed as Toto coming.

The dj playing before me was playing electro music. Raggedy Ann was dancing.

Within 10 minutes of starting, I was propositioned by the first of many slutty Dorothys. Unfortunately, they were all very unoriginal. They all said what was to be expected, "I guess we're not in Kansas anymore..." or "There's no place like home" (which was what I always say, unfortunately, clicking my heels never really does the trick).

I was hoping someone asked me if fucked doggy style or if I liked to be called "Uncle Henry". Didn't happen.

A mime came up but couldn't request a song.

Yoda asked to hear Lil Wayne.

There were a bunch of Totos. I was the cutest Toto by far. I didn't eat dinner and had no kibble on me. Sad Toto.

A guy I hadn't seen in a long time came up to say hello, then disappeared into the crowd. Minutes later he returned with 2 bottles of cheap champagne and told me the manager had seen him talking to me and gave him the two bottles, one for him and one for me, on the house (Apparently I'm worth a whopping 16 bucks). I told him he should go ahead and keep mine, as I don't drink anymore. He left one with me, just in case I found a "Dorothy" that might want to have it. Nobody wanted to drink that shit. It did, however, make a good paper weight.

Pac Man wanted to hear T.I.

The Pussycat Dolls, the "hosts", must've been dressed as the invisible man, as they were nowhere to be found. Shocker. Good thing I downloaded all their songs just in case they were there. Deleted them all when I got home. :)

Pocahontas came up to request a song and I asked her if it would be alright to poke her. She said she had heard that one all night. "On Facebook, silly!"
Like I would be that rude. ;)

Cat Woman tried to request a song but I just wanted to bite her neck and rip her throat out.

There were girls just dressed as slutty girls with no theme. Just another Friday in Hollywood, I guess.

Two guys were dressed as the ipod posters. Amazing. They told me what to play. I am not an ipod, unfortunately.

A guy was dressed as a hot dog.

A girl was dressed as Paris Hilton. She was dancing all over the place, jumping up and down, sweating profusely and ultimately rubbing her ass on me, when she finally stopped for a moment to ask if I liked her costume. "Well, you got the coke part right."

A guy dressed as a munchkin asked where the bathroom was.
"Follow the yellow brick road"
I know, I know.

A waitress came over to ask if I needed anything. "Amnesia, please."
"Is that a vodka based drink?"
I weep for the future.

I bbm'd the only promoter I wanted to see that night around midnight to ask him where he was.

A group of slutty pirates came up to request a song. I asked the "leader", "Did you know that the English word "pirate" is derived from the Latin term pirata, and ultimately from the Greek word "peira" or "attempt, experience", implicitly "to find luck on the sea?"
"Hahahahaha, you're cute, um, do you have any Michael Jackson?"
"Beat it."

Kanye West wanted to hear Kanye.

The manager, obviously frustrated with the fact that very few people were buying bottles, asked if i could please play some MGMT, as he needed something to cheer him up. I asked him if I could pull the fire alarm, as I needed something to cheer me up. We laughed.

A girl dressed up as Carrie wanted to hear "Swagger Like Us".
I told her to "Plug it up"
She didn't get it.

John McCain wanted to hear Depeche Mode.
I played "Never Let Me Down Again".

Little Red Riding Hood asked me if I was a wolf in dog's clothing.
"Did you know that Little Red Riding Hood represents, in some opinions, a parable of sexual maturity?. In this interpretation, the red cloak symbolizes the blood of the menstrual cycle, braving the "dark forest" of womanhood, and in this case, the "wolf" threatens the girl's virginity."
"You're weird."

I played "hits" pretty much until 1 am, when I finally realized no matter what I played, this room just wasn't going to go off, so I played some stuff that I wanted to hear, not too eclectic, but cool. Of course, at this moment, the promoter came in and made a b-line for me, "Look around dude, nobody's dancing, I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY STUFF THEY DON"T KNOW!"
"Look around dude, your party sucks balls."
Needless to say, neither one of us wants to work with the other in the future.

A naughty nurse asked to hear Britney.
I played it for her.
I asked if she provided home care.
She gave me her number on a napkin.
I saw her in the light later.
Insert "Swingers" party in the hills scene here.

I knew 2 people there.
They left early.

A waitress liked my selections.
I liked her cans.

There were no scarecrows.
There were no cowardly lions.
There was one Tin Man.

A girl asked me if I could hold her wings while she danced, I replied, "Of course."
She didn't dance.
I think she went to the bathroom to take a shit.

A girl dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West wanted to hear "Umbrella" by Rihanna.
Knowing the book, I remembered that the Wicked Witch beat Toto with her umbrella.
I, wishing I had a bucket of water, declined.

Finally, the party was over. My friend who had promised me a ride home, left hours before. I didn't blame her. I called a few friends to see if they were close enough to brave the streets and pick me up. No luck.

La Cienega was more crowded with cars and people than I had ever seen. Figuring it would take forever to hail a cab, I began walking. I jumped over a passed out gladiator and crossed the street. No cabs. I walked a few blocks. No cabs. I walked a few more blocks, weaving my way in and out of drunk party goers who's costumes and make up had, by this point, deconstructed. People were FADED. Everywhere. No cabs. I tried calling Yellow Cab... "You'll just have to hail one, sir, it's just too busy..." Great. Awesome. I started walking again. I walked down Melrose, hungry, no kibble, cold, tired, over it. Ultimately, I walked 2.5 miles before a cab pulled over. I told the driver where I lived and he said he knew a "quick" way to get there. He went down Hollywood Blvd. Idiot. A girl approached the cab and said she knew me (she didn't) and asked if her and her two friends could jump in and ride with me. The driver, hoping it was two more drunk girls asked where here friends were... Se pointed to to huge, drunk guys in bikinis. The driver locked the doors and rolled up the windows. He wasn't so bad. It ultimately took, what normally takes 5 minutes to get from La Brea and Hollywood to my house, another hour.

I slept in my make up.

Halloween rules!

Totos : 5
Cutest Totos : 1
Wicked Witches : 6
Cowardly Lions : 0
Scarecrows : 0
Flying Monkeys : 0
Munchkins : 7
Slutty Dorothys : 100
Barack Obamas : 2
Kanye Wests : 4
Shots of Patron : 0
Bottles of water : 2
Red Bulls : 2
Bottles of $6 champagne comp'd for me : 1
Times I clicked my heels 3 times : 6
Cigarettes : 10
Paper weights : 1
Miles walked : 2.5
Cabs that drove by me without stopping : 39
Gladiators I jumped over : 1
Pieces of candy received : 0
Kibble : 0

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Recap - Ashanti's Bday @ Area

So, the original call I got described the party as Ashanti's Bday, Detail's Bday ("Huge producer") and Akon's Platinum Plaque ceremony which was all supposed to be a Rolling Stone red carpet event... 

Promoter, "Yo, kid, you're gonna get all kinds of press! You're gonna be in Rolling Stone!"

Mad Suspect.

I normally rotate Mondays with an old friend, DJ EQ, but since it was such a "huge" event, they booked us both. The day of the party, I'm told we are gonna split the dj budget between us,  which honestly, isn't really enough to begin with. I tell the promoter that he should just use her, as it's not really worth it for me to do it for half the money. He says, "Well, I'll give you what you usually get, but only if you keep it a secret from her and I'll throw her a couple hundred bucks." 
"Well, buddy, honestly, I'm kinda on her side, as a dj, and think you should pay her what she deserves, what is this, fucking high school? Secrets and shit? Should you pass her a note telling her what she's getting? Gonna pay me in the quad? Either pay her what I'm getting or we both don't show up."

I already don't wanna go.

I arrive at 10:15 and there are three guys on he "red carpet" with Affliction shirts on.
Kill me.

I walk in, say hello to DJ EQ, and head to the bar for a Red Bull. The guy next to me keeps bumping me, so i turn to see who this guy is. He (Affliction jacket) turns to me  and says, "You got a problem?"
"No problem, I was just looking to see who was bumping into me, thought maybe it was someone I knew..."
"Well, I'll be honest with you, I've killed two people in my life and I don't like when people look at me, especially white people, so if you don't wanna be killed, you should walk away now. Walk away. Walk away."

Now, I think to myself, before replying:

A. He's 23 and wearing Affliction.
B. He's never killed anyone, killers don't advertise these facts at Hollywood night clubs.
C. I, being mortal, don't really wanna die, just in case killers really do advertise in Hollywood night clubs.
D. My friend, the head of security is standing next to me, getting our Red Bulls, and he's packing.
E. I play out the conversation I would've liked to have in my head : "Well, my friend, I've killed 3 people... Blah, blah, blah...."

Fortunately, my friend who overheard this conversation, opens his coat to reveal his badge and gun to the guy and replies, "Walk Away!!!"

I'm so Boyz in the Hood.

Later on, after I've been on the tables for an hour, the guy comes up and says, "I'm sorry buddy, I didn't realize you were the DJ, YO, YOU'RE KILLING IT!"

Yeah, that's right, who's the killer now?!!!

I guess I should walk around from now on with a sign around my neck that says, "I'm not just a white guy in an urban club, I WORK HERE!"

Detail, one of Akon's producers, walks by with white paint on his face, like he's going hunting, and says, "Yo, I'm Detail, this is my party!"
"Yo, I guess you can cry if you want to... cry if you want to... cry if you want to..."

I want to.

A guy comes in the booth and goes on and on about how he's one of the biggest DJs in LA and how I should give him the mic so he can start getting the party all hype and shit... I ask what his DJ name is, he replies, "DJ POPPERS"
Never heard of him.
He grabs the mic and tries to turn it on.
The sound guy grabs it back.
He pulls some flyer out of his pocket for some Halloween party he says he's spinning at (his name wasn't on it) and figures this will get him the mic.
It doesn't.
He say's, "All good, I'm paid and shit, I don't need to rock this party anyways, I'm gonna go pop Champagne with some honeys. I'll send you guys over a bottle, that's how I roll."
Cut to the end of the night :
He's in handcuffs for ordering 3 bottles of Champagne and not paying.

A drunk girl in a magenta wig comes up to the booth and says, "It's my birthday and all I want for my birthday this year is to hook up with a white boy, what's up?"
"I think I see one over there, if you hurry, you can catch him... I'm a white man, baby, sorry..."

I bumped into a bunch of old school heads throughout the night who all basically said the same thing, "Music today sucks, going to these clubs now sucks, these people suck, why am I here?"
My sentiments exactly.
See you Thursday at AFEX.

Cuba Gooding JR requested "Mo Money Mo Problems"
Show me the Biggie.

Ashanti was there with Brandy and her brother, Ray J. He comes over to me and asks if I have his new song, as he wants to sing it for Ashanti for her birthday, I reply "Yes, but not the instrumental, so you'd be singing over yourself."
"I'm not really gonna sing it anyways, so all good!"
Don Cornelius is happy.

Detail gets on the mic and starts yelling, distorting the sound, almost blowing the speakers, "Yo, this my party! We doin' big things! If you don't know what we doin' in 2009, you ain't doin shit!"
Apparently, I ain't doin' shit.

A girl gives me a dollar to play T.I.
I hand it back.
The guy doing the lights laughs.
I cry.

People start requesting top 40, as I knew they would, ultimately, as I had been playing music I like all night, pre-death of hip hop music, which was actually working. Shocker. DJ EQ is standing next to me, so I ask her if she wants to get back on for a minute, hoping she's play some of the stuff they want to hear, which I really, really, REALLY don't want to play. She looks at me for a second... We both start laughing. Good times.

Akon was not there, although they announced he was all night.
Rolling Stone was not there, although they announced they we're all night.

I appeared to be there, when in fact, I was not. I was in my happy place.

One of the promoters asked me to play something with lots of energy, like "Whatever You Like" by T.I.
Anybody ever heard that song?
Why not just play Portishead.

Someone asked for MGMT, "Electric Feel (Justice Remix), which I thought was pretty bold, but i respected. I thought, "Fuck it!", let's see what happens, I'm bored anyways. The dance floor cleared. Although the one "alternative" black guy with a mohawk liked it. He told me so. :)

I asked the promoter who likes secrets for a Red Bull and a water.
He told me he'd be right back with them.
He never came back.
He really loves secrets.

The bathroom attendant gave me a free Jolly Rancher candy.

A girl asked me to play some hip hop.
I replied, "What is hip hop to you?"
"You know, Lil' Wayne, T.I., T Pain..."
"And, you like this stuff?"
"Yes, I love it, don't you love hip hop?"
"Well, sweetheart, I love hip hop, I'm a hip hop head, I will always love it, but at this point in time, my relationship has changed, I used to be magnetized by it, it drew me in, now, it repels me, makes me want to shake the whole culture and yell, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" 
"Does this mean you're not going to play T.I.?"

They told everyone there was going to be a secret performance. I was handed a cd to play and waited for the signal. People were trying to figure out who it was gonna be. "Akon?", "Ashanti?", "She Wants Revenge?" 
The signal to put the cd on came so I hit play... 
A new Snoop beat came on and everybody freaked!
"Oh Shit!!! SNOOP!!!!!"
After about 10 seconds, the beat stopped and some random beat came on.
Some random dude in sunglasses nobody knew started rapping.
He sucked.
Way to completely turn everyone against you : Trick everyone, then suck.

A girl requested "Like Whoa".
I was honestly like whoa.
I liked her.

Urban clubs still like to announce who's there on the mic, although 75% of the time, they're not really there.
"Jay-Z is in the building!"
"Oh shit! Kanye, what up!"
I wanna get on the mic at an "indie" club and do the same thing.
"Yo! what up Bono!"
"Oh shit! Trent, get over here and pop this bottle with me!"

A girl with a weave lost a fight.
with herself.

Busta wanted to hear Busta.

2 girls cam in the booth to smoke a blunt and asked me if i wanted to hit it, I declined.
They hit the blunt a few times and asked me if i wanted to hit it again.
I declined again, stating I don't smoke weed.
"Did you know that marijuana's damage to short-term memory occurs because THC alters the way in which information is processed by the hippocampus, a brain area responsible for memory formation. As people age, they normally lose neurons in the hippocampus, which decreases their ability to remember events. Chronic THC exposure may hasten the age-related loss of hippocampal neurons."
"Yo, you wanna hit this?"

By the time I got outside, all the cabs were gone. I waited fifteen minutes and a cab finally pulled up, I jumped in. The driver, a large Russian man blasting Arabic music informed me that his rates were a little higher and asked if that was ok with me. I was so over the night at that point, I agreed, just wanting to be in my bed.
Ride to the party : $15
Ride Home : $45

Red Bulls : 2
Bottles of water : 2
Shots of Patron : 0
Death threats : 1
Trips to my happy place : 9
Amount in tips : $1
Akons : 0
Amazing performances : 0
Spinderellas : 1
Drink tickets : 0
Times I looked at my watch : 100
Ex-girlfriends that used to be on Girlfriends so now they were ex-girlfrinds squared : 1
Promoters with secrets : 1
Weaves : 15
Grape Jolly Ranchers : 2 ( went back for another )
Times T.I. was requested : 15
Times T.I. was played : 1 ( had too, ugh )
Times I turned the mic off and on in the middle of the performance for fun : 6
Apples I ate :1
Blunts I hit : 0
Da Brats : 1
People I know that I should've invited : 0
Girls with high heels on that were too big : 19
Girls in need of fills, desperately : 23 ( fingers and toes, girls, fingers and toes... )
Times I vowed to never do a party like that again : 1
Times i weeped for the future : 6
Times i wished it was Thursday everyday : infinite

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Recap : Opening Night at Kress (On the Rooftop)

Huge neon "Kress" sign on the roof, bad start...

I rode up the elevator to the roof and the girl who's job it was to operate the elevator asked me why I thought it was so hot in there, I replied, "You're in a fucking elevator..."

I could see Opera from the roof and imagined how many douche bags would be in that shit hole on a Friday night...

The dj booth had no monitor for the first 2 hours.

One of the owners came over to me to talk about the venue, music and the sushi downstairs in the restaurant. I asked him how the sushi is, he said, "Amazing!!! You have to try it!!!", so I asked him if I could get a sampler plate, he said he'd be right back with it.

Never saw him again.

One of the promoters came over to let me know he'd make sure a waitress would be taking care of me all night and how there would be, "...a steady flow of patron."

A waitress never came.

Another promoter gave me 4 drink tickets.
They were for well drinks only.
I gave them to the same dudes that ask me if I have any drink tickets at every party I spin at.

The vibe for the roof was supposed to be "sexy", as it's more of a place to lounge, as opposed to the club downstairs (Kress has 4 levels). We will get to the requests soon...

The first guy I met was around 60 years old, from South America and sitting in the booth next to me, surrounded by pretty girls... "Hey, you are good dj, I have party at my house tomorrow night after Playboy Mansion, you come dj my party?"
"Well, what kind of budget are we talking about here?"
"Hey, my friend, look around... I get you in room with party people and beautiful women... Coke and drinks everywhere... You just bring the equipment and the music, it will be good times my friend..."
"Sounds good, give me your number and... oh, shit, I forgot, I have to work tomorrow night, wow, so sorry... Maybe next time?"

Coke.Girls.Drinks. ≠ Lugging equipment to some dudes house to dj all night for free.

Justin Timberlake asked for Michael Jackson. Again. Shocker.
I asked him which song, hoping he would request a good one this time as he usually requests the usual suspects, he asked for "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"
I played "Heartbreak Hotel"
We were both happy.

Jessica Biel was with him.
She didn't request anything.
That was ok with me.

There were go-go dancers with blonde bob wigs, black Hot Topic platform shoes and a sense of entitlement. They asked if i could play some house music (which in their minds was really techno) so they could do their job and dance on either side of the dj booth.
"Of course, let's not worry about the vibe of the party or what anyone else wants, I should definitely be playing for the two of you, and honestly, within 20 minutes, it will just be the two of you... Here we go..."

Blonde girl with horrible shoes : "It's my friend's birthday, could you please play Lil Wayne? Pleeeeease?"
"Why?!! It's her birthday!!!"
"Thanks. asshole!"


I went to the bar to get a shot of Patron, I told the bartender i was the dj, she didn't care. $13.

The floor of the rooftop was covered in astroturf.
We have astroturf on the floor of the bathroom in our recording studio.
Do the math.

"No offense, but your music sucks."
I was playing Radiohead.
"Well, sweetheart, what would you like to hear?"
"I like old music, like from the sixties..."
"Well, give me an example, whatever you like..."
"I'm not sure what it's called, but it goes, "Well, no one told me about her..." You know that one?"
I put on The Zombies.
She danced.
We talked.
She brought me a shot of Patron.
I got her number.
Guess my music didn't suck after all.

I put on a long song to go to the restroom, and while in there, two girls came in, cut line and went into the stall to do some blow.
Security came in and escorted them out.
I went in the stall after them and found a small bottle on the floor of their coke.
Later, one of the girls walked by and i stopped her to give it back to her, "Excuse me, I have something for you..."
"Oh yeah, what? A ten inch cock?"
My friend who does blow had a very good time later last night.

A girl in overalls and a pimp hat asked, "Is this the type of music you're gonna play all night? I wanna get my freak on!"
"You already have, my dear..."

My friends came to hang for a minute.
They left after that minute was up.

Paris was not there.

A girl was taking her cigarettes out of her bag and a tampon fell out, I watched it fall out, and when a guy next to her told her she dropped something, she said it wasn't hers. He told her that it just fell out, still, she denied it was hers. Later she asked me to play a song for her, I suggested "Little Red Corvette"
She didn't get it.

1:03 am : A group of bridge and tunnel girls from the OC who somehow made it in the party do a round of brightly colored shots, no doubtedly called something with a funny name like "Mind Eraser" or "Red Headed Slut"

1:08 : They do another

1:20 : They do another

1:27 : One of them thinks to herself, "I'm here, I'm really here, this is it, I've finally made it, this is the kind of party I see every week on TMZ and here I am! Will I meet some celebrities? Will I go home with one? I would love to drink champagne and sit in a hot tub with some rich guy overlooking the city. Wow, I knew I would get here someday!"

9:12 am : She wakes up in her own bed with the worst hangover and an empty bag of Jack in the Box in her bed and thinks, "Why did I drink those shots? I didn't meet anyone interesting. That guy I gave my number to already texted me 6 times. I ate 4 tacos and 6 jalepeno poppers? That door guy was such a dick! Fuck Hollywood and their parties!"

Welcome to our world, honey, we feel your pain...

A girl asked for Akon.
A girl asked for Chingy.
A girl asked for Pitbull.
A girl asked for David Banner.
A girl asked for Gang Starr.

There were members of The Hills there. Shocker.

I'm starting a reality show of my own called, "No Requests"

A guy asked me for a cigarette. He was very drunk. He didn't say please, but i gave him one anyways. He didn't say thank you. He came back later and asked for another. He didn't say please. I gave him one anyways. Again. He didn't say thank you. He came up a third time and offered me half his vodka soda for another, I replied, "No, thank you, I honestly appreciate the meaningful gesture you have given forth unto me, but at this time, i will, unfortunately have to decline this act of obvious forethought and meaning and point you in the direction of someone else who will, most certainly, accept this amazing offer of half a watered down drink in exchange for a cigarette. Thanks again, and i bid you a good evening..."

I was also bumped at least 10 times throughout the night with no "Excuse me".
I weep for the future.

Chilled Patron shots : 4
Stellas : 2
Patron on the rocks : 1
Cigarettes : 12
Monitors in the dj booth for the first 2 hours : 0
Coke : Barrels
Cast members of The Hills : 3
Bad pairs of shoes : 13
Bad bags : 9
Balenciaga bags : 1
Times "Lollipop" was requested : 5
Times "Lollipop" was played : 0
Times I got caught by JT staring at his girl : 1
Times I cared : 0
Facebook mobile photo uploads : 1
Door guys that don't suck : 1
Girls whose digits I got : 1
Times Esthero came up to me and sang the Esthero song I was playing in my ear : 1
Times I went to my happy place : 5
Guys from Proper Grounds that spoke of the good old days : 1
Guys who knew who DJ Alphabet was : 1
Sushi : 0
Flirts : 7
Times I played "I Love You (Remix)" by Mary J Blige : 1
Blonde girls with bdays : 3
Blonde girls with bdays that heard their request : 1
Persian friends of the owners : 53
Cash spent at the bar : $26
Memories that will last forever : infinite

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Green Light Mixtape

I just made my first hip hop mixtape in 6 or 7 years...


Saturday, February 9, 2008

Recap : Audi Mansion - Super Bowl

I was the last one to sit on my plane.
I hate the middle seat.
The woman next to me broke out the worst perfume ever and put some on.
Rule #1 : Never do that.
I love looking out of the corner of my eye to see what people listen to in their ipods on planes.
Dude on left : Deftones
Avon lady on right : Starland Vocal Band
I hate her.

I was greeted by my driver who had a bottle of Patron Silver on ice waiting in the car.
Things are looking good.

I arrive at the hotel (non smoking, ugh), Patron in hand, and have to wait 45 mins for my room.
Things are looking bad.

There are warm chocolate chip cookies.

My hotel was next to Chili's.
And Wendy's.
No room service.

The car picked me up around 9:30 to go to the house, no tequila this time, but there was a case of Coors Light in the trunk.

They had converted this huge mansion into an Audi showroom (there were new Audis all over the place, there was even one on a platform in the pool) and constructed a huge club / lounge on the tennis courts.

Open bar.
VIP tables.
Bottle service.
Drunk people.
Suits everywhere.
Guys in very expensive suits with Chucks on, c'mon already, what a dud.

A bottle of Don Julio Silver was delivered to me very early in a bucket with ice.
Nice touch, I might add.
Took an hour and a half to get some glasses to drink it.
Not a good look.

Adrian Grenier asked me if I would play T.I.
I said "No."
He asked if I would play Ludacris
"Young Jeezy?"
"Any hip hop?"
"Turtle just gave me the new Saigon... Cool?"

The President of Audi liked the funk cover of "Long Train Running" I played, he asked if I could email him the mp3.
I did.
Um, car please?

Kate Hudson asked if I could play some Jimi Hendrix.
How to lose a crowd in 10 seconds.

Super Bowl tends to attract alpha males, so the room was filled with guys trying to outdo each other, talk louder than each other, drink more shots than one another, etc...
The loudest guy came over and shouted at me, "Look at him go!!! Wicki Wicki Wicki!!! HA HA HA"
small penis. red car.
ha ha ha.

Paris asked for Michael Jackson. Again.
Paris asked for Rod Stewart. Again.
Paris likes to have fun.
Paris wore a pink dress.
Paris gave me a hug.
Paris likes clipper ships.

"Dude, when does your new album come out?"
"It's been out for months..."
"Oh, shit, I didn't know."
Geffen rules.

Snoop came with Paris.
There was a guy who promotes parties in LA there who has a fauxhawk and wears skinny jeans who told me, "Yo, check out Snoop, he's gangsta, I'm gangsta man, I've been to Compton, you gots to be gangsta to go to Compton"
"Dude, the only Carson you've been to is Daily, and by the way, it's gangster, not gangsta."

Snoop wanted to hear Above the Law, that was dope.

D-Nice was there, he gave me a compliment on the selection of old school breaks I was playing and asked if he could go get me a drink.
That made my whole weekend.
He was wearing a YSL suit.

A girl came over and asked if I would play some hip hop, and of course I was playing hip hop (Gang Starr, Eric B. and Rakim, etc.), so I asked what hip hop was to her...
"You know, Akon, Webbie, Pitbull..."
"Wow, you want me to play a nut from an oak tree, a duck and a dog... Good times!"
Where, oh, where are you, hip hop? Please come back...

Favorite quote "I pee straight"
-David Burns

A girl fell down coming out of the bathroom, she pretended that it didn't happen.
It did.

I met 2 Jews from NYC.
We spoke Yiddish.

My friends, who were pretty drunk, decided to skip the check in point and shuttle stop and drive right up to the house. They were stopped at the gate and asked to please go back down to check in. They screamed, "We're here for ADAM BRAVIN!!!"
They were asked once again if they could please go back down to check in. "ADAM BRAVIN, we're here for ADAM BRAVIN!!!!"
Again, politely asked to go down the hill. "Do you guys have all your permits for this party?" They were let in. So dope.

Blonde girl - "Oh my God, Oh my God, this is like the BEST party I've ever been to, when they came to my school to find girls to come up here, I really, really hoped it would be me!!! And look, here were are, Yahooooo!"
You made it kid, top of the world.

"My boyfriend's name is on the invite for this party, so you better play whatever music I tell you to!!!"
"Is he signing my check?"
"Um, no..."
Current playlist resumes.

I met a brunette named Rachael, I asked her if she was a replicant.
She didn't understand.
She wasn't the one.

1:34 am - Blonde girl has one drink too many.
1:54 am - Blonde girl is dancing on a table, holding a bottle of tequila, pouring it into her mouth, surrounded by a group of 5 football players, .
10: 17 am - Blonde girl wakes up, wonders where she is and why she is sore down there.

My driver took off at 3:30 am.
I got out of there at 3:38.
I caught a ride with some people I didn't know.
I sat in a drive thru line for 35 minutes.

Shots of Don Julio Silver : Tons
Tips : 5 bucks, I gave it back.
Fake cans : Innumerable
Times Snoop lit up a joint : 2
Times I wished I never left LA : 18
Business cards : 16
Blondes living with regret : At least 1
Football players that requested bad music : 6
Guys in suits with sneakers : 22
Replicants named Rachael : 0
She Wants Revenge requests : 0
Times I was offered coke : 9
Times I accepted : 0
Times I went to a happy place : 24
Guys from Real World Seattle that tried to match shots with me and lost : 1

Phoenix rules!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Friday, January 25, 2008

A Love Letter to Music

*Listens to Adagio for Strings, op.11*

How I oblige your magic spells...
As I sit in your garden filled with mystical scent...
Grab at my neck...
Enforce with your nails...
It is in vain that I seek to understand...
This love is laid within the legnth of the life of the sun...
I let the arms of Melody embrace me
as the closing arms of the Labyrinth....
You may have my last breath....
You may share my red wine...
You may have my last cigarette...
You have invaded me like the sound of a single note.....
like a symphonie of pain....
an unforgettable pain deep within my soul...
lovers cannot forget All the oaths of heart,
all the pledges of love....
haunt me in the night...
haunt me in my dreams...if you please....
I want to understand your language,
so I may invade your thoughts....
Invade me with one thousand kisses,
for you have introduced me to love....
and as you shout deeper,
I will go into your moving sands,
and let you speak the most abominable words...
and lure me into the sweetest of dreams...
for I am your servant boy...
who you have given the gift of invisibility....
and among the shade...
among the night...
among the masks...
and among the black leather....
I may still shine...
For I am your servant boy...
and I need not seek the illusory symptoms of love..
for I possess them deeply...

Recap : Opening Party at Privet in Vegas

Current mood: Weeping
On my way home from Sundance, I got stuck overnight in Las Vegas, fortunately, my best friend Bree lives there and it wasn't as bad as it could've been...

The LV airport is my favorite place in the whole world...
So is Wal Mart in middle America on the day before Christmas...

Before I left the airport, I had to make it to a gate pretty far away from the gate i deplaned from to reschedule my flight. A woman who was about 70 years old cut in front of me in line and pretended to be deaf when I called her on it...
She could hear her name when she was called for her stand-by seat just fine...

I didn't have my luggage, it was in Burbank collecting dust and probably being rifled through by an underpaid complaint box, so I needed to get some shoes, considering I was going out and didn't like what shoes I had on, so I went to the Gucci store after we ate (it was right next to the restaurant) and got some new kicks...
I'm so Gucci...

We got to the club around 11 and I could tell from the people in line that it was gonna be the best night ever...
1. Dude with a 2 foot spiked mohawk
2. Every guy in Ed Hardy
3. Fake cans everywhere
4. Bad make up
5. Bad shoes
6. Bad bags
7. A Tranny

My recap could've been all about the line to get in...

We were seated at a table with my best friend Bree and her husband's (AC) friend who kinda run's the place...
We started sitting in the actual booth, but later moved up to the top part of the seat in the booth because apparently you're cooler the higher you sit... The coolest people stand on the top of the booth... More people can see you and you can do all your cool dance moves for them.

Jermaine Dupri was flown in from the ATL to DJ the opening night party.
We will get back to this soon...

A black guy in front of me (dressed in sparkly Ed Hardy from head to toe, huge fake cubic zirconium earrings) kept bumping me and not saying excuse me. Huge pet peeve. I didn't say anything, as he was friends with the dude who's booth we were sitting in. Later in the night when one of the many horrible songs came on, in which he knew all the words to, he put his arm around me and started bouncing up and down and singing to me, like I was gonna sing back to him. He was surely mistaken.

I sat down and stared at his clothes for a while and became very depressed. I suddenly imagined myself in a coffee shop, belting out a spoken word poem that started something like this, "Back in the day they stole your smile so you clothe your teeth in gold and your clothes in diamonds..."

I weep for the future.

"Yo, this is Jermaine Dupri, I'm in the building."
"Janet Jackson is in the building"
Was hoping the next line was, "Kriss Kross is in the building"
(Jump was played later on, btw.)

JD had a guy selecting every song for him and setting them up in Serato for him to play.
Mistake number 1.

Honestly, one of the worst set's of all time.

He played the new Mary J song, and followed it up with what he thought would be a good song to play for whitey, "Come As You Are" by Nirvana...
Mistake number 2.

This was followed up by a whole set of bad rock for whitey...

Bad mixing.
Bad song decisions.
Bad mp3s.
Bad digital noise.

Jermaine and I go way back, he used to jump on the turntables with me back in the day all the time...
I'm allowed to talk shit...

When the crowd was standing around bored and uninterested, they had the bright idea to stop the music and shoot "$2500" dollars into the crowd... It was more like $100. He didn't play "Make it Rain".
More bad music for a while, crowd less interested and starting to leave, he stopped the music again and shot out another "$2500" ($100). He didn't play "Make it Rain" again.

The tranny sat at our booth at one point.

When someone at a table orders a bottle over a certain amount of money, a waitress walks out of the back with it and it has a sparkler on top of it. They walk through the crowd with it to your table so everyone can see that you're spending your rent on a bottle of booze. I imagined snatching JD from the DJ booth, attaching a sparkler to his head and walking through the crowd with him on my shoulders, finally delivering him to his booth where Janet could blow it out. "Happy MLK day!"

The guy whose booth we were in let me know he knew Jermaine as well, I told him I taught him how to DJ, he replied, "You should've done a better job..."

The tranny was now on top of the booth dancing.
She was apparently one of the coolest people in the room.
She had tape on her balls.

Good times.

An asian guy dressed like a clown was having a dance battle with a drunk white guy.
Nobody won.

Mark the Spark rules.

A blonde girl with huge fake cans was dancing on the booth right behind me.
I saw her panties.
They weren't cute.

A waiter brought another bottle to our table, this time no sparkler, he asked the guy whose booth it was, "Do you really want me to light this?"
"Yeah man, light that motha fucka up!!!"
He was bummed he had to do it, but he did, nonetheless.
He stood there wishing he was anywhere else.
So did I.
(He was the coolest guy in the room.)

Jermaine played 20 seconds of "Planet Rock".
I was happy for 20 seconds.

Everyone tries to one up everyone else all night.
"I know so and so.."
"Oh yeah? Well, I know so and so..."
Watch me do the new dance moves.
Oh yeah? Watch ME do the new dance moves better.
I can drink 2 shots of Jager in a row.
Oh yeah? I can drink 3 shots of Jager in a row.
I have 4 pieces of Ed Hardy on.
Oh yeah? I have 5 pieces of Ed hardy on.
I have big fake cans.
Oh yeah? I have big fake cans AND a cock.
OK, you win.

A point came where we just couldn't stand the music anymore and had to leave.
Sorry Jermaine.

Vegas rules!

Vodka on the rocks : 5
Cigarettes : 12
Trannys : 8
Bad songs : All except 2
Janet Jacksons : 1
Money shot into the crowd : "$5000" ($200)
Guys who thought we were dancing partners : 1
Articles of Ed Hardy clothing : 374
Times I wished I was in bed : 22
Girls that noticed me in my all black outfit hiding under my hat in the corner : 0
Sparklers that came to our table : 5
Fake cans : 82 (pairs)
Times the guy bumped me without saying "Excuse me..." : 9
Bathroom attendants who tried to pressure me into giving them a tip : 1
Guys who were so Gucci : 1
People who I connected with on any level :3
High fives on the dance floor : 17
Weaves : 28
Mowhaks : 2
Guys who run the Palms nightlife who got sucker punched : 1
People I met and shook hands with : 16
People I met and shook hands with that didn't look me in the eye when we met : 15
Huge black guys who stepped on my foot and crushed it : 1

Vegas : Priceless

Recap : My Amazing Summer in and out of Las Vegas

The airport, in general, is depressing, but the Vegas airport really
gives you a good idea what the rest of the country really looks like.
The thing about it is, I really don't want to know what the rest of
the country looks like, I've been to all the malls across our great
land and I get the vibe... Mental note : Drive to Vegas more often.

Reasons for me to go to Vegas :

Visit my best friend Bree (DJ 88) and her husband, AC, who decided to
leave Los Angeles to pursue a life in the City of Sin.
Travel with my band, She Wants Revenge, to perform a show.
DJ some parties that are typically filled with knuckle-heads.


The guys from 944 / Racket, who I love, really had a hand in making
my summer in Vegas, amazing.
They had a party one night at Lure, which is now called Blush, and
flew me out to spin. Best DJ experience ever!
We were all having drinks, when the time came for me to go on, Bree
was spinning before me, getting the party started.

1:12 am : Adam plays his first song.
1:14 am : Adam plays his second song.
1:15 am : Manager of Lure, unaccustomed to hearing good music,
immediately pulls Adam off the decks.
1:16 am : Adam stops playing records and freaks out.
1:16:30 am Everyone else freaks out.
1:17 am : DJ that works at Lure puts on Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock, "It
Takes Two".
1:17 am : Manager of Lure is very, very happy.
1:17 am : Everyone else is not happy.
1:25 am : David from 944 and Adam have a battle of wits.
1:28 am : We kill the bottle of Patron and bail.

Lure rules!

Hanging at Tryst with DJ Create and crew :

One beautiful Sunday night we all rolled down to Tryst to hang with
our good friend Dave Fogg (DJ Create) and I was invited to do a set...
I was on a mid 90's hip hop mission that night, and was ready to drop
some gems.

2:27 am : Adam plays his first gem.
2:28 am : Manager of Tryst comes running in the booth and says, "
Suge Knight is here, stop playing hip hop!"
2:29 am : Adam's mid 90's hip hop mission comes to an end.
2:49 am : Adam is at the bar ordering a drink.
2:50 am : Suge and his lady friend park at the bar next to Adam.
2:51 am : Adam farts on Suge's lady friend.
2:51:13 am : Suge's lady friend moves away, with the quickness.
2:52 am : We all die laughing.

Tryst Rules!

The Griffin, random Friday, spinning with DJ 88 :

Back room of the Griifin.
8 people.
Apparently the Juke box in the front room is blessed.

Drunk guy : "You should let me hop on the tables with you guys, my
name is George Leonard, I produce songs for Madonna."
"Totally, dude."
"I produce songs for Madonna."
"Um, totally, dude."
"I'll play some really, really, really great tunes if you let me get
"What songs did you produce?"
"My studio is in Prague."
"Er, um, where in Prague? I have friends who live there..."
"You know, the south side, I told you, my name is Hans Reginald, my
studio is in Prague..."
"Did you know that Pathological liars, or, "mythomaniacs", may be
suffering from histrionic personality disorder or narcissistic
personality disorder? Here is a quick checklist to tell if someone is
a pathological liar : 1. They add exaggerations on to every sentence.
2. They change their story all the time. 3. They believe what they
say is true, when everyone else knows that it isn't. 4. They are
legends in their own minds. Kick rocks."

Gwen Stefani After Party at Moon :

They guy spinning before me was playing the usual suspects, to a room
jam packed with tourists and a few celebs.
I, once again, was on a late 80's to mid 90's hip hop mission. At
this point in my DJ career, I just want to play dope shit, so you can
imagine the problems I may encounter, doing so, for a room filled
with people who want to hear "Umbrella".

Blonde girl wearing something too small : "Are you gonna play any hip
"What would you call what I'm playing now?" (Gang Starr / Mass Appeal)
"Old. Can you play something good?"
"When requesting a song, it's probably a good idea not to tell the DJ
that what he's playing is bad. C'mon, darling, it's all about people
"Just put on some Timberlake, please!!!"
"I weep for the future."

The DJ who was to go on after me was jealous that he couldn't play
what I was playing. He kept saying, "Wow."

Paris, of course, showed up.
"Could you play Michael Jackson?"
"You don't know it yet, but in a few months, you're going to violate
your probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case and go to
prison for 45 days... Michael Jackson, coming right up!"

Guy in Shiny Shirt : "Hey, bro, could you put on "World Hold On"?"
"Only if I can have some of that blow that's on your mustache..."
"Hey, buddy, you kid me, right?"
"Blow, hold on."

Gwen and crew finally showed, I dropped dancehall gems, got yelled at
by blonde girls, good times for all.

944 2-Year Anniversary Weekend :

I rolled to Vegas with my band to perform at the Hard Rock for the
guys at 944. Outside. Summer. Off to a good start.
DJ 88 opened for us, of course, and killed it, of course.
We played in front of a pool, with all the people crowded around the
sides of the pool, mostly directly across the pool from us, and
nobody was allowed in the pool, except the lifeguard. And a beach
ball. Weird.
The show went well, we played new songs, people got drunk, it was hot
and everyone had a good time.
After the show we went to Body English with all the 944 guys and had
a little after party in the little VIP room they have there, which I,
of course, was the DJ.
Honestly, best party ever...
The next night someone was doing blow off of someone else's boot.

Vegas rules!

Bottles of Patron killed : 6
Guys in shiny shirts : Infinite
Tribal Tattoos : Infinite
Times I saw Lil' Jon make it rain : 1
Times DJ Five stood next to Lil' Jon, while he made it rain : 1
Cabs : 13
Offers for bumps : 23
Real World / Seattle Celebs : 1
Times Paris asked for MJ : 3
Times I imagined my "Happy Place" : 7
Money won at the roulette table: $71
Buffets: 0
Times I saw the Mamu : 1
Air conditioner in my room : 65 degrees
Mini bar bill : $ 125
Shots at the Artisan (Favorite hotel ever) : Can't remember
New BFFs made : 3
Hours of sleep : 5
Top 40 songs played : 0
Times a girl asked me to play some hip hop when I was already playing
hip hop : 3
944 / Racket guys wasted : 14
Times I will go back to party with the 944 / Racket Guys : Infinite
Times I will go back to Lure / Blush, whatever : 0

Recap : Vogue Party


n 1: the popular taste at a given time;

As guests like The White Stripes, Jet and The Faint were walking in, I decided since it was early, I would play some cool rock shit including Sonic Youth, The Pixies, Blonde Redhead, etc. The girl from Vogue who was in charge came running over... "Could you turn this crap off and put on some hip hop please ?!!"

Good Times...

The party was sponored by Motorola, so there were models walking around with new phones pretending to talk on them as part of the theme of the night. They normally do that anyways..

I didn't get a free phone, but I was offered a good deal on one...

I played an East Indian set and an East Indian girl came over and said, "Do you have any Britney?"

(Tall Blonde Model) "Do you have that song.. uh... um... you know, that one they're playing on the radio all the time? "
"I don't listen to the radio"
"You know, that black guy sings it..."
"Just walk away"

There was a guy who looked and dressed like Gilligan that was on some sort of hallucinogen. He would come over and smile at me, then lay down on the dancefloor and cry.

A girl asked for Portishead. She was wearing all black.

There was a guy who always goes out to every party, drinking the same drink and asking girls the same questions, only to, once again, go home alone and contemplate where he went wrong...

Along with the models walking around serving appetizers, the chef would make an appearance, offering guests his latest (boring) creations. He asked me, "Pasrty filled with cream cheese?"
"Three words... Mushroom Phyllo Triangles...."

A girl fell on the dancefloor and people laughed at her.

Hillary Duff asked me to play Ashley Simpson. Cute. Lame, but cute.

A girl asked if she could borrow a cd cover for a few minutes. She came back and handed it to me with coke residue all over it...
"Now I know that one cocaine effect, appetite suppression, is very popular for people looking to lose weight or maintain a low weight. Fashion models have been known to use cocaine in order to stay thin. But did you know that cocaine can cause convulsions,
seizures, stroke, cerebral hemorrhage and even heart failure? Now go sit in the corner and reflect on your horrible behavior."
...just barely enough left on the cd for me to get a freeze..

There was a camera crew following around a group of good looking, super trendy "in" guys and girls. I think they were filming the pilot for the new reality series, "We Look Absolutely Amazing, There's Gotta Be A Red Carpet Party We Can Crash! Let's Go!"

I love how everyone tells you what they're working on these days and never once thinks to ask you how you're doing...

Paris was there.
Nikki was not.
Over Paris.
Into Nikki.

"I just got Serato and I was wondering if I could pay you to borrow your hard drive so I could have all the music you have?"
"Could I pay you to take the Serato back to wherever you got it and refuse to join in with everyone else who is becoming a DJ but lacking in the musical knowledge, the technical and transitional skills it takes to actually be one?"

One of the editors from Vogue came up to me and said, "You know what would be perfect right now? Chris Brown. His new song is amazing and has a real funky inspiration. You would really get this party going with that if you put it on RIGHT NOW!"
"You know what the perfect accent for your cardigan and your pencil skirt? How about a piece of estate jewelry or a piece that looks convincingly real. Brooches are making a huge comeback: no surprise so since they've been sported by fashionistas like Sarah Jessica Parker. The freshest way to wear major jewelry this season is to pair it almost off-handedly... Pearls mixed with a white shirt, vest and faded denim or wear a sparkly brooch in your hair. They have a real hip hop star / Elisabeth Taylor inspiration, dont you think?"

Random quotes from the party:

"Must finish drink...
Must finish drink...
Then will have fun...
Then will have fun..."

Now have fun......"

"Um.. Debbie... You are such a liar... That is NOT the Punjabi MC... "

"That's DEFINATELY NOT my hairpiece you're stepping on...."

"NO SILLY! Martinis in left hand...
now, throw up your right..."

"Damn... Desperately Seeking Susan night
was LAST night..."

Cigarettes : 6
Carbs: 0
Vodka/Sodas : 4
Britney requests: 5
Britney spins : 0
Reality shows being filmed : 3
Lame marketing ideas for Motorolla : 3
Dumb models: innumerable
People I related with : 1 (but only when he was lying on the dancefloor crying..)
Times I thought how wrong it was to look at Hillary Duff's ass : 1
Times I actually looked: 3 or 4
Employees of Vogue who sucked : 2
Tips: $20 for "Rockin my world, dude!!"
Pairs of Uggs : 2 (C'mon already)
Rooms that were way too bright with no vibe that people were forced to dance in : 1
Times I wished it was 1994 and I was spinning at a Black Moon show : all night

Recap : Final Night at Joseph's

It's been a good run....
But all good things come to an end....
Farewell Joseph's on a Monday....


It's about fucking time...
Talk about beating a dead horse...

Things I will miss (or not):

Security waving a flashlight at me to move...

Hearing someone yelling, "Jen, hey Jen, over here...."

The smell of good weed....

Drunk bitches bumping the turntables...

Chris Judd...

3 bartenders for 700 people....

Breakdance circles during a down south set?

Blonde 19 year olds requests for Britney or "something good"...
Lets just break that down real quick...
People.. When requesting a song, if you really want the DJ to play your request, or even think about playing it, the last thing you wanna do is say, "something good". This statement is insinuating that what he is playing is not good, therefore becoming, not a request, but an insult. We DJs don't come to Forever 21 during your shift and say things like, "I saw the outfit you put together for that girl, it fucking sucked!" Think people...

Black Eyed Peas dance exhibitions....

The corner make-out booths....

The DJ set-up that had a glowing "Josephs" on the front which changed colors all night... Classy...

The left speaker cutting in and out...

The Lamb chops...

Usher asking for "Usher"....
Celebs love that third person thing...

Christina in the booth closest to the restroom...

The bathroom attendant giving grief if no money was left in the guilt basket...

Dancing to the smell of calamari....

Taryn Manning...

Me and Dave Orlando saying things like, "Fuck it, I'm throwing on some Gang Starr..." or "What's this world coming to?"

Sandman yelling, "Oh Shit!!!! That's my jam!!!! then sweating profusely....


No drink tickets....$10 shots of chilled Patron silver...

All of Britney/Janet/Christinas dancers shitting on everyone else...

Spilling drinks and sticky beer floor....

Lights coming on too soon....

The last 10 minutes...
The best music of the night....

"Throw your hands up" records to get some kind of reaction from the sheep...

Girls just standing still on the dance floor if they didn't like or know the song...

Over-crowded patio weaving...

The guys outside waiting to get some celeb to autograph their 8x10...

The Jamaican lady with the roses who makes you feel bad if you don't buy one...

The sweet smell of gourmet dogs outside on an empty/tequila stomach...

$10 parking...

Guys standing around the booth watching us spin, trying to intimidate us, for whatever reason... As if to say, "Yeah, OK, what you got next, huh?"

Dancing to D'Angelo, "Spanish Joint"...

(We'll meet again soon, I'm sure...)

Spinning with Dave and laughing about everything...

Rest in Peace Monday nights at Josephs...
Don't worry...
See you all at XES on Saturday....

Recap... New Years Eve... Jimmy Iovine/Dr.Dre/50 Cent Party

I was spinning upstairs, which was where the very limited VIP section was located, complete with more bottles of Cristal than anyone could possibly imagine...

I met the guy who was the money behind the party, his name was Bill... He said one thing to me all night...
"You better be worth what we're paying you, Jimmy is counting on you..."
For those who don't know who Jimmy Iovine is, he's the co-chaiman of Interscope Records, which my band, She Wants Revenge, is indirectly signed to.. No pressure here...

Dr. Dre asked why I was playing so much Biggie...

50 Cent asked if, when it was midnight, I could announce the year as 2050... coincidently the name of his unreleased album...
Jimmy asked as well...
I did...
Coincidently, I felt like a complete idiot....

Dre brought me a bottle of Cristal about five minutes to midnight... I imagined how cool it would've been if it was a 40 of Old English...

A girl asked me if I could play 'Yeah" by Usher, right after everyone says, Happy New Year"...
I replied, "Sure, let's start this year off fresh and new... The first thing I want hear in 2005 is something that I can remember through the whole year... Something that will symbolize how amazing and beautiful the new year will be... Something with lyrics like, "These women all on the prowl, If ya hold the head steady I'm a milk the cow." That's what I want to run through my head as I contemplate the coming year and all its possibilities..."

They kept stopping the music to play some preview tracks from 50's new album and The Game's new album...
Not so hot when you're at a New Years Party and the music keeps stopping, only to be followed by around 30 seconds of silence, while one of Dre's assistants fumbled with the cd player, trying to find the right track, which, when it finally started playing, sounded like shit and wasn't loud enough...

The sound guy slept through the party...

The other sound guy brought me a sandwich...

"Welcome to the year 2050..."

Its dope when all the lights are on and super bright too...
Makes for a comfortable, yet, mysterious vibe...

Its dope when you're one of the 9 guys who cant get upstairs to the VIP section...
Its not dope when you're one of the 250 super beautiful girls who cant get upstairs to the Vip section, and all you have to work with is 9 dorky guys stuck down there with you...

The promoter "forgot" my check...

From my vantage point, way above everyone downsairs, I could see all the girls who went and got the same outfits that day from Bebe..

Dre asked if I'd like a Cuban cigar or a chronic blunt....
I thought to myself what an asshole I am for quitting...

1:55 am - A girl was found laying face down in the bathroom, super drunk, mumbling, "I'm on my way to my car... I just need a hand getting up... "
2:33 am - She is in a cab now, the cab driver has the address in hand and cash in pocket...
8:12 am - She is not happy....

My friend who used to work for Bad Boy Records, and now works for Aftermath, told me that I didn't have to play so much Biggie... It was ok to put on some 2Pac..
I don't know...
Was it?

"That's right everyone... Welcome to the year 2050..."
super lame...

I was spinning till 4:30 am...
My car broke down on the way home...
Dope vibes...

Recap... Jermaine Dupri / Janet Jackson Party @ Monroes

Sponored by 3 Vodka...
Free 3 Vodka for everyone....
Distilled from soy...
No carbs...

Oh yeah... tates like shit...

The sheriff was there before the party started...
I overheard him say, "I don't care, black people don't listen.."

Usher referred to himself in third person again...

Blonde : "Do you think Janet will care if you play Michael?"
"Well, she didn't care when her father did..."

White girls who speak like they're black are neat..

Warren G asked me to play 'Regulators'...
Sure, one sec, Coolio just asked me for 'Gangsta's Paradise', you're gonna have to wait your turn...

Mariah was faded...
She hung out in the booth with me and Jermaine for a while...
She asked me to play 'Virgo' by Nas...
Nice request...
Bad breath...

Alisha Keys wanted to hear Prince...
Go figure...

12:43 A girl tries to get into the VIP section but gets denied.
12:44 She does a line in the bathroom.
12:45 She is in her own VIP section complete with a feeling of euphoria, excitement, reduced hunger and a feeling of strength, not to mention dizziness, a headache, movement problems, anxiety, insomnia, depression and hallucinations.
VIP rules!

Jamie Foxx bumped a girl and made her drop her drink...
Still in character I see..

There was this girl in the VIP area that was trying way too hard to be sexy. She was super drunk and sitting up on the back of a big chair, singing the wrong words to all the songs. She fell off the back of the chair onto the floor... One of those long, drawn out falls that seems like it takes forever... First back onto someone, then over onto her side, then face down onto the floor... People had to help her up... Needless to say, she didn't stay in VIP too much longer...

Star Jones was raising the roof...
Who raises the roof anymore?
C'mon Star, ask Al for a little help...

Ice Cube was there...
DMX was there...
Rappers turned actors are neat...

Da Brat was an asshole...
Da Asshole...

Jermaine had a diamond watch bigger than himself..
Janet's ass was bigger than Jermaine as well...

'Drop It Like It's Hot' is the new "Yeah"...
over it...

At one point, right before the party really got going, Jermaine told the crowd to stop standing around acting Hollywood...
Welcome to my world Jermaine...

A girl asked if I could play some hip hop..
I was playing Mobb Deep...
New Jacks...

I got a contact high from all the weed smoke in the booth..
Thanks Warren, Regulators coming right up, I swear...

A girl offered me $1 to hold her coat..

Security found a g-string in the VIP section after everyone was gone...
Probably the girl who wanted me to hold her coat...

Cigarettes : 0
Carbs : 0
Vodka and sodas : 4
Bad outfits : 29
Times I got caught looking at Mariah's cleavage : 1
Times Da Brat gave me a dirty look for no reason : 7
Fake Prada bags : 12
Pimp cups : 2
$39 Parking tickets : 1
Requests for The Game : 9
Times I wondered if people refer to him as "The Game" when speaking to him : 1
Times I wondered if people refer to Da Brat as "Da Brat" when speaking to her: 1
Times this thought was cleared up while listening to people speak to Da Brat and refer to her as "Brat" : 1
Times I was called a "Bad ass white boy" : 3
Times I looked forward to being on tour : 13
Glasses filled with Hypnotiq : 36
Times I will ever drink something Blue : 0
Names I dropped : 13

Recap : Random Thursday at Area

I had to pay $20 to park...
Off to a good start..

Area used to be Prey, which used to be the Gate. I used to spin there back in the day when it was the gate, so every time I go there, I'm reminded of the days when I used to spin on Eurotrash night and get tipped in $100 bills and blow...

I kept the money, flushed the blow...

Well, maybe a freeze...

The GM came over to me before it opened and told me he had drink tickets for me...
Never happened...

A blonde girl asked me if I'd play a new Chingy song...
Didn't happen either...

Jamie Foxx was wearing a bandana over his nose and mouth like he was gonna hold up the place... Maybe he was preparing for his next role in "Gay"...
He liked when I played "Him or Me" by Today..

Patron Shots were $18...

There were guys next to the booth all night smoking blunts...
I got yelled at for smoking a cigarette...

Lots of requests for Journey...
Lots of requests for "Sweet Child O' Mine"
Lots of requests for Def Leopard...
Lots of requests for "ironic" music...
When will this phase pass? It was cool to play a few "ironic" songs in your set around 3 years ago, and that lasted around 4 months... At this point, it's just gay...

(I love "ironic" music, but in my car..)

I was doing goofy dances in the booth to make my friends laugh...
At the end of the night, a girl told me I had sexy moves..
She was serious...

A girl was on the phone all night...
She was sitting in the middle of a loud club...
Was she really talking to someone or was she pulling a Paris Hilton and pretending to talk to someone because she was so insecure...

Lindsay Lohan was there...
She asked for the new Scissor Sisters song...
I didn't play it..

A girl asked me to play a song by She Wants Revenge..
I told her I don't play my own music...
She asked what that had to do with her request...
I left it alone...

Lots of dudes in sunglasses...

Still no drink tickets...

There was a scuffle right in front of me between two dunk girls...
They were both hammered...
One called the other one a "...fucking tree..."

Paris was there...
On the phone...

Some dude asked me to play some Techno...
He was one of the ones with the sunglasses on...
He called me "Bro"...
He spent a lot of time in the Men's room as well...
Needless to say, I never played it...

I played a 15 minute 80s set and a girl asked me if I was gonna play anything current...
This was 5 minutes after i had finished the 80s set and was playing Justin Timberlake...
I told her to open system preferences, go to date and time, and change it from 12:15 to 12:20...

Lots of differences between the Indie parties I've been spinning at while on the road and the Hollywood Clubs I do when I'm at home...

1. Drinks are $5 at the Indie parties, you can get water for $5 in Hollywood...
2. Still lots of asymmetrical haircuts at both, but I'm sure in Hollywood they cost around 10 times more and were performed in a Salon while listening to the latest Ibiza mix...
3. In Hollywood, nobody asks for The Knife...
4. At Indie clubs, nobody asks for Jamie Foxx...
5. in Hollywood, Jamie Foxx asks for Jamie Foxx... (he Really did...)
6. In Hollywood, beers are in glasses...
7. In Hollywood, nobody's heard of Sparks...
8. At Indie clubs, there is no bottle service... Although someone should start a 40 ounce bottle service at Indie parties, that would be rad...
9. At Indie parties, there's always someone snapping photos inside to post on some website...
10. In Hollywood, there's always a line of Paparazzi outside snapping photos to sell to some magazine...
11. At Indie parties, people do coke...
12. In Hollywood, people do pink coke...

1:19 am - 2 drink tickets...
1:23 am - 2 drink tickets get me one chilled shot of Patron Silver...

The guy that usually does his Michael Jackson routine to "Billie Jean" was there...
He didn't do it...
He did his new shit...
His Prince routine to "Kiss"...
Times are changing...

A blonde girl asked me to play "... some Crunk music"
I weep for the future..

Chilled Patron Silver Shots : 2
Dudes in sunglasses : 18
Tips : $150
Ironic songs played : 0
Gang Starr songs played : 2
Number of people who knew what I was playing : 7
Number of Camp Lo songs I played : 2
Number of people who knew what I was playing : 7
Girl Fights : 2
Calls Paris made : 5
People she actually called : 0
Number of Crunk songs : 0
Blunts smoked next to me : 4
Cigarettes I smoked : 8
Times Fergie was requested : 14
Times Fergie was played : 0
Shiny shirts : 34
Number of long songs I played in order to make it to the restroom and back before it ended : 2
Amount of time it took to get my car from valet : 30 mins

Good times...